Bury My Heart USA – Episode 14


We break down the COPA America like no other. Well, actually, like everyone else, except we’re funnier and better looking.

Bury My Heart USA – Episode 14

USOC or USuck?


USOC Round Up

If you’ve been paying attention to American soccer, you know that the biggest and most awesomest of tournaments is currently being held, the US Open Cup. This tournament features teams of semi-pros all the way up to MLS. Absolutely amazing and, of course, everyone wants an upset.

Last night gave the people what they wanted. If you want all the results, here’s the full rundown from ussoccer.com. Here’s a couple that really caught our eye:

Pittsburgh Riverhounds 0, Lansdowne Bhoys 2 – The Lansdowne Bhoys were formed in 1997 and play semi-pro ball in Yonkers NY. It’s somewhat shocking the knocked off the Riverhounds, though considering the recent Romeo Parkes incident maybe not so much. The Bhoys move on to face 2015 USL champions, Rochester who smoked the fuck out of their opponents, Southie FC (one of my favorite names in the tourney), 7-0.


FC Cincinnati 2, Indy Eleven 1 – FC Cinci has a soft spot in my heart due their geographic location (my old hometown) and their impressive start to their inaugural season. The Eleven were tied with the hometeam going into halftime, but a strike by Cincinnati’s Jimmy McLaughlin in the 61st minute put his team up for good. FC Cinci goes on to face the NASL’s Tampa Bay Rowdies, one of the most tenured teams in the country, in round three.

Put on your tin foil hats, please.

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One thing that sort of caught the eye of BMH was the lack of media coverage by the USL squads that have been so proactive with the use of Youtube to broadcast their matches. Now, $1 beers aside (that’s a great deal!), the USL’s CHarleston Battery posted a weirdly opaque Tweet last night just before their match (and eventual loss, another massive upset). “For reasons beyond our control, we will not be streaming tonight’s game.” 2/3 of your favorite podcast hosts think this weird as fuck and smacks of MLS not wanting competition with their Wednesday night matches. 1/3 thinks we are overthinking it. Either way, we’ve reached out to but the Battery and USL for response via Twitter and so far, nada. If they do respond, we’ll post it.

  • Dan
USOC or USuck?

Columbus Screw


If you follow MLS, you’ve already heard the news but let’s repeat it for old time’s sake. Columbus Crew, in a last second (seriously, like 12:55a) deal, have traded their star forward, Kei Kamara to New England for “a record amount of allocation money…as well as New England’s highest first round SuperDraft pick in 2017, second round pick in 2018 and an international roster spot for the 2016 season.”source

Continue reading “Columbus Screw”

Columbus Screw

“This isn’t a beauty contest”


Colorado wins another one at home, running their unbeaten streak to 6 games. Their challengers tonight were the rapidly falling Sporting Kansas City, who seem to be collapsing during each match. It’s been six matches since KC has garnered more than a single point and the weight of that streak seems to be sitting heavily on their shoulders. Continue reading ““This isn’t a beauty contest””

“This isn’t a beauty contest”

Motor City Madness



Looks like Detroit is on its way to getting an MLS franchise. According to MLS.com an ownership group including Cleveland Cavaliers’ owner, Dan Gilbert, have been meeting with the Don in an effort to secure a franchise for Detroit. With the saggy economic issues that have plagued the city, its concerning to think that a new MLS club may be tossed into a city without the fans capable or interested in going to a soccer match. But what do I know, what the Don wants, he gets.


Motor City Madness

Jermaine Jones, Piece of Shit


So I’ve been silent for a bit, due to my wife delivering a baby, but I’m back now and I’ll continue to update this site as best I can.

I understand that stars live in a bubble made up of their own farts, but the shit spewed from Jermaine Jones’ mouth in a recent article on MLSsoccer.com is pretty rank. “When you know people hate you, you get respect from that,” Jones told reporters this week. “If you walk into the stadium and [fans] don’t like you, you know that they think you’re a good player. They’re scared.”

Dude, no one is scared of you. You are an aging player who has outlived his usefulness on the national team and is now biding time on a middle of the road club. I hope you trip on your own shit.

How’s that for a hot take…


Image from vicesports.com.


Jermaine Jones, Piece of Shit